Conflict and Divorce

Conflict and Divorce

By Euan Davidson

euandavidson@godalmingfamilymediation.co.uk

As an experienced family mediator, there is always the risk that I can become desensitised to the impact and effects of separation or divorce on the clients themselves. Having said this, it is also vitally important that I remain detached from the situation, allowing me to stay impartial and to capture an objective overview of each situation.

Looking back over the hundreds of mediation cases that I have been involved with, the vast majority of which have been successfully resolved, I realise that one of the main reasons that I am always able to stay objective whilst maintaining empathy and understanding is the fact that there is just so much conflict associated with divorce and separation in most cases which means that I need to always tread very carefully and be extremely aware of the fact that the conflict might escalate out of control unless I remain objective and closely attuned to both clients’ needs.

In particular, many of the referrals that come from solicitors involve clients who have spent months or even years battling with each other, with emotions including fear, anger, jealously and hatred creating levels of conflict that can make it very difficult to focus on the practical issues that need to be resolved during a divorce or separation, especially when there are children and/or joint finances to consider.

Often, I will suggest that clients who are embroiled in these sorts of conflicts consider counselling, either individually or together, in parallel with the mediation process as this can be very beneficial for the clients personally whilst also enabling the mediation process to progress effectively.

However, I often find myself wishing, for everyone’s benefit, that more clients would contact me before the levels of conflict have risen too high in order to ensure that the divorce process is managed fairly and professionally and in order to help both parties avoid the many pitfalls of the process whilst keeping the communication lines open in as amicable way as possible.

Whilst these sorts of cases are starting to materialise more regularly,  generally when clients contact me directly themselves, they are still sadly outweighed by the cases that have already reached the high conflict stage.

I always say that it is never too late to mediate but I hope that in the future far more couples will realise that the earlier that they seek the assistance of a suitably qualified mediator then the more likely that they will be to resolve their issues fairly whilst also minimising the emotional, time and financial costs involved.

Thank you for taking the time to read this post and I look forward to reading your comments.

Euan Davidson

Family mediator

Godalming Family Mediation